What is the nature of Biblical modesty, what is it not, and how do we apply objective commands to subjective convictions in a way that loves others and glorifies God?

Note: This post discusses human sexuality, and while nothing explicit is mentioned, it addresses sexual sin in general (apart from one paragraph noted below), and is probably not suitable for younger audiences. 

How about we start this article with a bit of a thought experiment? Imagine what it would be like if we didn’t choose our clothing based on how it makes us look or feel, or how stylish it was, but instead chose our clothing with the desire to draw as little attention as possible to ourselves and our clothing? Chances are, our clothing would be plain – some might say dull, – even boring… How does that idea make you feel? Does such a possibility feel restrictive, old fashioned, fanatical? Perhaps it feels like a loss of freedom and an unnecessary denial of self-expression.

But here’s the thing: is this not the exact point we see made, below, in 1 Peter 3? Like the parallel passage in 1 Timothy, 2:9-15, we see a “not this, but that” argument being made. Our adorning is not to be external, but is to be “the hidden person of the heart”, marked by a beauty that unlike the flower, does not fade, but is imperishable, and is very precious to God! Did you catch that? A modest woman adorned with a gentle and quiet spirit is VERY PRECIOUS to God!

“Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.”

1 Peter 3:1-6, ESV

Before we go further, I feel I should warn you – my standards of modesty are anything but typical.  Rightly or wrongly, my views have been described as freakish and excessive.  Truth be told, my convictions in this area are one of the reasons I feel out of place in the modern world, and more at home among my Puritan ancestors.  Yet, despite the fact that it would be easier to just go with the flow, as I look at Scripture, I cannot escape the conviction that modesty is more than just being a few degrees and a couple of inches better than the culture.  At the center, I believe that too often we are asking the wrong questions, and as a result, may be getting the wrong answers – answers that rob ourselves and others of joy in God, and instead, embrace a me-centered understanding of the purpose of clothing.  

That being said, I know this is both a matter of conscience and a sensitive subject (though have you ever stopped to ask why it is that clothing, of all things, should be so controversial?).  So, I have tried to ask mostly questions, and to point out the broad, objective Biblical principles by which we should each individually seek to apply them as our conscience leads in our lives.  That means we will not all reach the same conclusions about what’s on our OK list, and what’s a no-go.  But, Lord willing, we will all agree on the solid Biblical counsel that undergirds them – and treat each other with grace and deference when we don’t agree.   

Looking in the Mirror

When you’re choosing the day’s outfit or are looking in the mirror, what are you considering?  Chances are, in one way or another, you’re evaluating how attractive you look in the clothes you have picked out.  Do they accentuate the things you like about yourself?  Do they conceal the things you dislike?  Is the outfit cute or stylish?  Does it make you look handsome?  And even if you’re not thinking about those things, are you just making sure you don’t look like a slob, or don’t have food on your face, or your hair isn’t crazy?  All of these considerations share one thing in common – they are all flowing, at least in part, from a self-minded impulse that is first and foremost concerned with how others will perceive us.  

What is far less common are questions like, how does what I choose to wear or not wear point others to Christ (either directly or indirectly)? How does my clothing selection guard others from lust, envy and covetousness?  How does what I’m wearing help reflect that Christ is my greatest treasure and not success, style or the praise of man?  

Perhaps, at this point, you’re thinking, “Come on, Nate, they’re just clothes!  As long as nothing’s showing that shouldn’t be, what’s the big deal? Don’t we have freedom in Christ to more or less wear what we want within reason?” In some ways, that line of reasoning might be permissible, but I don’t think it’s what is best. 

Permissible or Best?

If you haven’t read the introduction to this series, you may want to peruse the below article. In it, I delve into the question of what it means to do all things to the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:31) and why asking “what is best” is far better than merely asking “what is permissible”.

When it comes to modesty, it’s really easy to have a, “what’s wrong with it”, sort of mentality. We look at the revealing attire of the culture around us, and compare ourselves to it, thinking our clothes aren’t that bad by comparison.  But what we fail to realize is that we’re measuring our clothes by the ruler that the culture provides, not the yardstick of the Word.  We’re actually embracing the cultural ideals and motives that tell us what is beautiful and handsome, and in turn try to find ways to emulate what the culture tells us is cool and attractive, without being too revealing. What this results in is a Christian clothing culture that tends to lag a few years behind the broader culture around us.  

Take for example, swimsuits. In the early 20th century, swimsuits – male and female – were just that – a special woolen or flannel suit the swimmer would wear to participate in water sport. Thick and dense, these materials might not have been ideal for swimming the 200m freestyle, but they were purpose built to guard people’s modesty, even when soaking wet. For men, these suits typically had loosely-fitting knee-length shorts and a matching short-sleeved shirt. For women, the suits were more complex, and layered, looking more like loosely fitting dresses, though swim pants were worn underneath. By 1900, women’s swimsuits were generally short sleeved. It wasn’t until the mid-1920’s that women’s swimwear became form fitting, looking more like a modern-day leotard. For men, it wasn’t until the the 1940’s that swimming without a shirt in mixed company became normative. In 1946, shortly after the widely-publicized U.S. atomic bomb test at Bikini Atoll, and in the midst of severe post-war austerity and material rationing in Europe, that French inventor, Louis Réard, introduced the bikini – a fashion trend that would be marked by ever-shrinking coverage over the remainder of the 20th century.

The church, for it’s part, has largely lagged behind on these trends, but I posit that we have primarily measured our modesty based on the sliding-rule of our culture, not the unwavering Word of God. The net result: today, many, if not most Christians see no issue wearing what essentially amounts to underwear (another type of apparel that has drastically shrunk over the century) out in public.

But consider this: did you know that Formula 1 racing teams spend hundreds of millions of dollars each year on research and development – all to save a hundredth of a second in a corner, or eek out an extra mph on the straight. Every inch of these cars is gone over with a fine toothed comb, evaluating and re-evaluating everything in pursuit of the slightest competitive advantage. Imagine what it would be like if we looked at our clothing and apparel with such purposed scrutiny – not to improve our earthly performance, but to help us (and all those around us – 1 Corinthians 10:24) run the race of faith with all our might. How might such a God-centered mindset change the way you shop, dress, accessorize and carry yourself in the world?

From Objective…

As people of the Word, we must first seek to rightly understand what the Scriptures require of us. Most black and white are the specific commands.  The Bible says stealing is wrong, therefore, we ought not to steal.  Then there’s the broader principles, like we discussed above.  Though no less commands, they are more universal, and often more difficult to apply concretely.  Finally, there’s the narratives of the Bible that can help us to understand God’s heart for His people, and how then we ought to act.  Take for example, the story of Jonah, and what we can learn about God’s heart for the nations, and His use of hardship to point us to Himself.

So, what does the Bible say about modesty?  Several years ago, after a deep dive into the subject, I put together a personal position paper on the Bible’s handling of nakedness and modesty.  For the sake of brevity, I’ll summarize my findings, but you’re welcome to explore the personal position paper, here.  Below are bulleted notes on passages that relate to modesty:

• Genesis 3 describes the shame of nakedness as a result of the fall.  First, notice that Scripture does not simply equate nakedness to full nudity, but instead nakedness is any time a person is not properly or fully dressed. In Genesis 3, Adam described he and Eve as naked, despite their makeshift clothing.  Second, God’s response to their shame was not to tell them to embrace their nakedness, or to be satisfied with their own attempts at modesty, but instead He covered their shame further.  
• In Genesis 9:21-25, we read of Noah’s nakedness being exposed, and his son, Ham, looking upon his naked father and telling his brothers about it. As a result, he is cursed by His father. One might argue that this is because Ham gossipped to his brothers, which may in part be true, but the significant care given by Shem and Japheth’s to not see their father’s nakedness, strongly suggests that even in familial contexts, it is inappropriate, and indeed shameful, to look upon an adult’s nudity (save, of course, within the context of marriage).
• Genesis 9:21-25, together with Exodus 20:26, 28:42,43 and a large section of Leviticus 18 all indicate that one’s nakedness is to not be exposed, and that the penalty for uncovering nakedness is, in general, to be “cut off from among the people”.
• Exodus 28:42-43, in particular, prescribes undergarments for the priests that fully cover their privates, “lest they bear their guilt and die”, which seems to suggest that having one’s nudity uncovered, even from below, is shameful for such a holy calling.
• In passages like Ezekiel 23:10, Hosea 2:9 and Isaiah 27:3, nakedness is seen as a sign or act of God’s judgment.   
• Both 2 Corinthians 5:1f and Revelation 7:14 and 22:14, employ the language of clothing to describe our life in eternity. The former uses the mixed-metaphor of or tent becoming not unclothed, but more clothed in eternity, while the later passages describe our eternal clothing as ropes dipped in the blood of Christ.
• Lust (epithumia – a passionate craving [often sexual] for something or someone) and Sensuality (aselgeia – a debased, debauched and lewd practice of sin [often with sexual connotations]) are frequently warned against by Jesus, Paul, and other New Testament writers. 
• Passages like Romans 14:13-15:2, 1 Corinthians 8:1-13 and Matthew 18:6 all warn against causing others to sin by our actions or teaching – calling us to put others first by not exercising our freedom in ways that could reasonably be seen to cause others to sin.
• Though applied specifically to women, 1 Timothy 2:9,10 and 1 Peter 3:3,4 both present a “not this, but that” argument against outward adorning and, instead, for the spiritual adorning of our character.  Though given specifically to women, it would seem Biblically consistent to apply the same principle to all of us (see Christ’s words on the importance of inward over outward obedience in Matthew 5, for example).  Likewise, though there is debate as to whether the lists of don’ts in these passages still apply today – braided hair, gold jewelry or pearls, costly clothing – the greater principle, that our attire and accessories ought not to draw attention to ourselves, seems plain.         

So, as best as I can tell, the above gives us a broad Biblical framework on the matter of nakedness and modesty in which to work.  Bringing it all together, I’d offer the following general statement: 

Because of the fall, it is generally shameful to expose our nakedness (as the Bible more broadly defines it) to others, and so it ought to be covered. Therefore, it is our duty to be properly clothed whenever we’re around others (with few exceptions, like within the context of marriage).  Likewise, regardless of the situation, we are to seek to clothe ourselves in a manner that does not cause others to sin or draw attention to our bodies. Rather, our clothing should be purposely chosen to discourage lust, envy and covetousness – and by removing those distractions, to point others by our character and the conduct it produces, to the surpassing value of God.    

…To Subjective

But how do we take the objective, Biblical framework above and apply it to our day to day lives? In God’s wisdom, He chose not to give us exhaustive lists of what clothes are okay, in what situations, with accompanying charts and graphs to show us what’s acceptable, by age and height, for boys and girls, men and women, in every scenario of life – applied to every culture in the world – throughout all of time.  That would be one massive addendum!  

Of course, this doesn’t mean we’re free to do as we please and disregard the broad Biblical principles and commands the Lord has given us. (Pro tip: If you use the logic, Christ set me free, so I can do what I want, you’re not understanding the assignment!) Rather, it’s a call to intentionally think about how best to apply these principles to our specific situation, taking into account our conscience, communities, and culture as we seek to run after Christ with all our might – helping others to do the same.

• Conscience – As you read the passages on modesty, asking the Spirit’s illumination to help you rightly understand and apply them to your life, are there areas where you need to make a change to best follow, not just the letter, but also the spirit of the command?  As you look in the mirror, ask if you can say, in good conscience, that what you are wearing best helps you and others run the race of faith by intentionally avoiding choices that might lead to lust, envy or covetousness, or otherwise distract from the godly character and conduct God has produced in your life.       
• Communities – Most of us interact within multiple communities – school, friends, family, work, and church, just to name a few.  How can your attire help you to both conform to the good standards of your community (presuming there are some) and challenge the bad or unhealthy standards?  For example, what is appropriate to wear to your church?  Our clothes can be a distraction because they draw attention to our body, because they’re too casual, or even (in some church situations) because they are too formal.  How can you adapt your attire to guard against being a distraction to worship?  More broadly applied, do your clothing choices call attention to yourself (whether by shape, color or style) or, I dare say, are they plain and simple, as to not draw attention at all?
• Culture – What are the broader trends in your culture? In America, our culture has largely embraced sexuality without bounds as virtuous and liberating.  Despite the feminist movement, women are more objectified and exploited than ever, convinced that if they profit from their objectification, it’s somehow good. For women, beauty and attractiveness are defined, even for the young, by sexual appeal – and that’s increasingly true for men as well. Yet, despite all this supposed freedom, we know from the Bible and from experience, that these people are in profound bondage, and in desperate need of a savior.  How should these realities shape our clothing choices? 

So, the question becomes, how do we apply all of this in a way that honors Christ and guards others?  And how do we do it in a way that doesn’t alienate those who hold lesser, greater, or just different convictions than our own?   

My Own Story

Those questions bring me to my own application of these principles and observations.  As a bit of background, I’m a dad of four girls – and that means at least two things: Being male, and having spent lots of time around males, I know what guys can think, and second, I have a strong desire to protect my girls from undue objectification and sexualization.  Yet even before we had kids, and even before I was married, I had pretty strong convictions about modesty.  Coming to faith as a teenager at the dawn of the internet age, one of the struggles of my teens and twenties was the conquering of an addiction to pornography that had rooted itself in my heart before I was a believer.  It was a source of profound shame and guilt that, even today, an ever-growing amount of Christians – both men and women – carry alone and in the dark.  For a growing percentage, it is not struggle at all. In a 2024 Barna poll, 62% of professing Christians claimed that the regular viewing of pornography can be part of a sexually healthy life. According to studies by the accountability software company, Covenant Eyes, upwards of two-thirds of Christian men watch pornography regularly, and it’s estimated that as many as a third of Christian women may have the same addiction.  All that to say, it’s a serious and prolific issue, even in the church. 

Warning: though not graphic, this paragraph shines a light on the horrific cost of sexual perversion in some difficult detail. And beyond the walls of the church, in our culture at large, 78% of men and 44% of women report watching pornography. The global pornography industry is massive, with estimates ranging from between $58 billion to $287 billion, annually. Recently, in an interview with Tim Tebow, he shared that, in the previous 30 days alone, over 111,000 unique IP addresses (likely representing at least as many people) had downloaded, shared and/or distributed child abuse and rape images of children under the age of 12. One estimate suggests upwards of 300,000 children are victims of commercial sexual exploitation every year. 1 out of every 3 teens who run away from home (In the US, on average about 2.1 million children, mostly older teens, run away, annually) are being accosted for prostitution within 48 hours of leaving home. And that’s just in America. In India, still happening today, trafficked four and five year old girls (many used in the vile and wicked practice of temple prostitution) are dying horrific deaths due to STDs they’ve contracted. Four and five year old girls! This is pervasive. This is serious. And it is both physically and spiritually deadly.

So, that’s the context for my concern. Over the last decade or two, I’ve found my conscience regularly pricked as I have sought to encourage modesty in our family.  I have done my best to submit and root my convictions into the concrete precepts of the Lord – though imperfectly, I am sure.  Though these principles apply to our whole family, I am also aware that my convictions fall on the 5/6ths of our family who are female with considerable weight – especially so because the culture around them shouts that their identity is to be found in their appearance.  To my shame, I have probably focused more on the rules than the Biblical beauty behind them, and at times that has made my requests seem onerous and unpalatable. 

As I look out around me, I realize that not just in my home, but in the broader American church, my convictions are an anomaly.  And so, in 2020, I set out to examine the Bible systematically to determine if I was way off base or perhaps on the right track.  The result, after a few months of study, was the paper I mentioned above.  In general, what I found seemed to confirm my convictions.  Yet, I am also aware of the danger of confirmation bias – especially when one has a hypothesis before digging into Scripture – and while I hope that wasn’t the case, I acknowledge that’s a possibility. So, I welcome Biblical counsel that might correct any bias or errors in my conclusions.

Does it Draw Attention to Myself?

In the end, my personal convictions stem out of the maxim, “Does it draw attention to myself?” Does what I choose to wear draw attention to my body, my economic stature, or my style?  If so, I’m probably doing something wrong.  For our girls in particular, what this produced was three criteria by which clothing was evaluated:

• Is it tight?
• Is it transparent?
• Is it revealing?

The problem – and certainly a frustration point for our girls any time they go shopping – is that almost every piece of clothing out there for women and girls alike, fails at least one of those three tests.  The question is, why? Why is it that girl’s clothing has to be almost universally tighter or more revealing than guys clothing?  Why, in order for a young lady to appear fashionable, does her clothing have to be one or more of those things outlined above? Why is it expected that ladies wear makeup to enhance their appearance, but not men?  Why do women feel they have to wear heels when they are uncomfortable, cause chronic pain, and damage their feet?  In my experience, we rarely stop to ask these sorts of questions, but it seems, even in the church, we just assume that’s what we should do because that’s what everyone does.  Because of the cultural milieu we breathe every day, it at best seems outdated – at worst, legalastic puritanicalism – to suggest that our clothing should be plain and simple.                 

But I must be honest.  As our girls have grown up, my convictions have come at a cost to us all.  For instance, when it comes to swimming or the beach, we abstain from those events because even the most modest of swimwear fails my threefold test – both for guys and girls.  It’s just an unavoidable reality when clothes get wet.  And, with lust becoming a much more universal issue for guys and gals, even guys going shirtless presents a modesty problem in my book. 

In the end, I struggle with the idea of putting hormone-juiced teenagers together, in swimwear, because lust seems an all but certain eventuality.  It just doesn’t seem like the best way to Biblically steward the lives of our young people. And, because, especially in the church, sexual sin is veiled in the darkness of anonymity, there is no way of telling who does and does not struggle with sexual sin. Therefore, to love others well, knowing the pervasiveness of this issue, is it not best that we err on the side of caution for the sake of our brothers and sisters in Christ who are struggling in the darkness?  

Grace in Our Differences

“1 Now accept the one who is weak in faith, but not for the purpose of passing judgment on his opinions. 2 One person has faith that he may eat all things, but he who is weak eats vegetables only. 3 The one who eats is not to regard with contempt the one who does not eat, and the one who does not eat is not to judge the one who eats, for God has accepted him. 4 Who are you to judge the servant of another? To his own master he stands or falls; and he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand… 13 Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather determine this—not to put an obstacle or a stumbling block in a brother’s way. 14 I know and am convinced in the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself; but to him who thinks anything to be unclean, to him it is unclean. 15 For if because of food your brother is hurt, you are no longer walking according to love. Do not destroy with your food him for whom Christ died… 21 It is good not to eat meat or to drink wine, or to do anything by which your brother stumbles.”

Romans 14:1-4, 13-15, 21, NASB1995

Am I saying, then, that anyone who lets their kids go to the beach or swim in mixed company is somehow failing their children?  No. That would be going beyond what the Bible says. Though I have strong convictions on this topic, I cannot, in good conscience, claim that my convictions are universal.  Yes, because of the solemn charge of God, I am responsible for my family, and bound to my conscience, but that’s where the authority of my rules must end. 

Our commitment to one another ought not merely to influence how we act or speak, but how we look at brothers and sisters in Christ who hold views that differ from our own. That’s what Romans 14 teaches us, right?  If we have stronger convictions than our brother, we ought not to judge those who don’t hold them.  If we believe we are free in Christ to do this or that, then we should not look with contempt on a brother who holds a more restrictive conviction, as though he’s a fool or unenlightened.

Did you notice, that in verse 14, after warning against a judgmental heart, Paul goes on to assert what he knows to be true? At the very least, what he’s asserting is that one conviction is better than the other, right? To only eat vegetables is not commanded by the Lord. All things are clean! It seems then, that Paul isn’t suggesting a sort of casual, nonchalant, “you have your view and I have mine” sort of mentality. It’s not that matters of conscience should not be discussed and even debated. We should be willing to gather together and test our convictions by God’s Word. But all in love, and absent from a judgmental spirit, lest our convictions be right and our motives be wicked.

To that end, we need to take care that there is a line, and that this line is drawn in the right place.  In these discussions, I think it helps to understand where the dividing line ought to be. I would argue this line must be the clear Biblical commands and necessary principles these commands require.  If the line’s too far to the left, we end up claiming that sin is part of our Christian liberty, but if it’s too far right, we label things as sin, for which Christ has given us freedom. 

When it comes to modesty, where’s that line?  I’d argue it’s centered on the command to dress in a way that doesn’t draw attention to ourselves, but allows our character to point to Christ.  Also on that line, is the principle to not be naked (in the broader sense the Bible defines it) around others. This is an objective command that means to not be improperly dressed, yet it is, at least within reason, subjectively applied. And finally, we are commanded to put other’s holiness and wellbeing before our own liberty, even when that means making sacrifices for their good.

May the Lord work in us all a love for His Word, a heartfelt desire to obey him, and a conscience sensitive to His convicting work – that we might love others well, and glorify God with and in our bodies (1 Corinthians 6:20)!