In a world filled with good things, make sure you’re putting the best thing first.

Every good parent wants their child to be happy. We want them to find joy in everything they experience, and as Christian parents, we hope that our children will have a meaningful and joyful relationship with the Lord – one that will carry them through the crests and troughs of this life. Today, there’s an awful lot of good things available to our children – perhaps more than at any other time in human history. But what happens when those good things begin to crowd out the most important things? In a moment, we’ll consider a hypothetical cautionary tale of a dad and his two sons, but before that, given the topic, I think it’s especially important to pause and consider guilt and grace.

Grace for Guilt, Guilt for Grace

When it comes to family schedules and our kids’ activities – especially when there’s a tension between the things our kids most want to do and the opportunities available at church – it’s really easy for us to start feeling guilty as parents.  We know church (and by church I mean a meaningful, consistent and Christ centered involvement in a local expression of Christ’s body) should be a higher priority for our family than it is, but we can feel almost powerless to change course.  To take things away from our kids which they enjoy and to prioritize church instead, feels like a lose-lose scenario where our kids feel forced into going to church and are tempted to resent us for taking away the things they enjoy most.  If we’re honest that cost feels awfully high.

But, as I argue below, the cost of not changing course may be far greater.  As I am writing this, I’ve just returned from several weeks away from church because of work.  I confess this for two reasons.  First, because I want to be clear that while I firmly believe in the message of this article, I also just as much need the Spirit’s convicting work in and through it.  And second, by means of illustrating the first, I felt firsthand the dulling spiritual appetite in my heart as I was away from my church family – and that scared me.  As the old hymnist, Roger Robinson penned, “Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, prone to leave the God I love”, I sensed this reality acutely in my faltering affections for the Lord these last few weeks. Even though I listened to worship music and sermons much of the time, those just are not a substitute for meaningful, face-to-face involvement in a community of believers.  Being a faithful part of the local body of Christ is one of the many means of grace the Lord uses to both draw and keep His children – and I desperately want you and your children to experience that grace!

“9 I now rejoice, not that you were made sorrowful, but that you were made sorrowful to the point of repentance; for you were made sorrowful according to the will of God, so that you might not suffer loss in anything through us. 10 For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death.” 

2 Corinthians 7:9,10, NASB1995

Guilt, too, can be a grace from God, as we see illustrated by Paul’s second letter to the church in Corinth. Paul had some really hard things to say to the church in his first letter, and while it produced a sense of deep sorrow, it was a godly sorrow that recognized their own guilt and was graciously turned by God to repentance. That sort of guilt is not something to be avoided, but a gift of God’s grace that He uses to correct our path. Now, I am not Paul, nor are my words anywhere close to Scripture, nevertheless, it is my prayer that the Lord would be pleased to use the encouragements and exhortations of this article, and the power of the Scriptures discussed, to bring about godly guilt where needed (including in my own heart) while at the same time guarding against any unwarranted or unhelpful, baseless guilt. I don’t want you to be unfairly burdened or weighed down by this message. To these ends, I encourage you to take a moment to pray for the Lord’s wisdom, conviction and grace, all in perfect measure, as you read through this article. And now, onto the story…   

A Tale of Two Players

Ever since Jimmy was a little boy, he’s absolutely loved soccer.  The smell of the dew-covered grass in the morning, the exhilaration of sprinting up and down the field, the excitement of scoring the winning goal – he loved it all.  He played soccer in grade school all the way up through college, and while he was never quite good enough to go beyond that, it’s still a big part of his life today.  In college, Jimmy fell in love with Shelly, and though he hadn’t been very religious growing up, at Shelly’s invite, he began going to Campus Crusade for Christ, where the Lord soon drew him to Himself.  Not long after college, the couple was married, and only a few months later, the newlyweds discovered they were pregnant – and with twins no less!   

When his twin boys, Tom and Jonathan, were born, he dreamed of the day when they would first lace up their cleats, velcro on their shin guards and take to the field.  It wouldn’t be all that long until his dream was a reality, as his kindergarten boys joined their first team.  Tom took to the sport like a natural, while Jonathan seemed to be more gifted at spotting high-flying planes from the nearby Air Force base than keeping his eye on the ball.  Through middle school both boys played soccer on teams at their school and, as they got older, in an array of other leagues in their city.  Jimmy often helped with their teams and discovered a newfound passion for coaching, a role in which he excelled.  So, often soccer time also became a meaningful time of family connection.

And, while the demands of soccer sometimes felt overwhelming for the young family, they made things work, and still made it a priority to be a part of their growing Presbyterian church plant when there wasn’t a game.  They were in a small group faithfully, Jimmy was a deacon, Shelly helped with the children’s ministry – and while it was harder to make it to church during tournament season, and admittedly, Wednesday night activities were often eclipsed by the seasonal demands of soccer, in general they were a faithful and meaningful part of their congregation.    

By the time the boys moved up to high school, Jonathan had decided to take a break from soccer in favor of other passions, but Tom had fully caught his dad’s passion for soccer, and was all-in committed to the sport.  He was one of, if not the best player on his high school team as a freshman and was instrumental in the team placing second in the state championship that year. At the same time, Jonathan found himself more and more drawn to the life of their church after an especially impactful youth group fall retreat.  Before long, Jonathan was as excited about youth and church as Tom was about soccer, so Shelly and Jimmy had to divide and conquer so both their boys could participate in what they were passionate about.   

By the end of high school, Tom had led his team to back-to-back state championships, and in his senior year, his team had gone undefeated.  Tom wasn’t just a great soccer player, but a gifted team captain. Before he had finished his junior year, he had offers from many prestigious schools, and decided to go to Stanford University on a full-ride soccer scholarship.  During the last four years, Tom was driven to be the absolute best soccer player he could be – pushing himself year round in various leagues, and training hard in the short gaps between fall and spring soccer seasons.  On the rare opportunity when he had a Wednesday evening free, Jonathan would encourage Tom to go to youth, but he felt like the odd one out – that he didn’t really fit in.  Everyone else had their friend groups at church, but he struggled to connect with any of them.  His closest friends were found on the soccer pitch, not at the church.  Plus, if he was really honest, all this church stuff had grown dull. He found himself struggling to focus on Sunday mornings and was just not getting much out of the service.  What he really wanted was to be back with his teammates, where he belonged.  

Tom’s college years were stellar in many ways.  He did well in his sports management major and graduated with honors.  He was an exceptional soccer player, even at the highest level of top tier collegiate soccer.  He built a strong friend group, and was really happy.  But, on the spiritual front, his parents were concerned.  They had encouraged him to find a good church and to be a part of a campus ministry, and while he initially did both, the demands of school, soccer and his desire to spend time with his friends soon eclipsed his spiritual involvement.  By the time he took Intro to Philosophy in the spring semester of his freshman year, he was already internally wrestling with the claims of Christianity, though he wouldn’t dare share that with his family. But, when he briefly returned home for summer break that year, in between soccer camps, he told his parents he didn’t consider himself a Christian anymore. They were heartbroken and struggled to understand why he would abandon the faith they had worked so hard to instill in him.  Yet, as good parents do, they still worked hard to show Tom they loved and supported him, even as they prayed fervently for him to return to faith. For Jimmy, it was especially hard – he was so proud of his boy’s accomplishments on the field, yet he deeply grieved his son’s spiritual emptiness.            

Nevertheless, the family adapted to this new dynamic, and when Tom called home during his senior year with news that he had been recruited to play professional soccer, his parents were ecstatic.  Tom’s first season was the stuff of legends, and he soon rose up the ranks, becoming a household name among soccer fans worldwide.  He’d done it!  Jimmy’s dream had come true, and he couldn’t have been more proud of his son.  Yet despite frequent conversations and invites to come to church when he was in town, it seemed as though Tom was as far away from the Lord as ever.   

Meanwhile, Jonathan had graduated college as well.  He was a good student, but often felt like he was in the shadow of his superstar brother, even though they didn’t go to the same school.  Following in his dad’s footsteps when it came to faith and family, he too had met his future wife, Susan, at school – they were both part of Cru and had caught each other’s eye early on in their sophomore year.  They too would go on to have a family and they soon found a home in a little baptist church in the small town where they settled.  

Both brothers lived into their eighties, and despite their differences, they remained close for all of their lives.  From an earthly perspective, Tom had it all – fame, power, wealth, a loving family, a long list of amazing experiences and accomplishments, while Jonathan lived a joyful though largely anonymous life by comparison, with a precious family, a career he enjoyed and a life marked by service to the Lord and His church.  

Yet, as with all men, death would soon come calling, ushering them into eternity.  For all of Tom’s accolades, he never returned to the faith he once claimed as a child. Coming face to face with his Creator, he fell to his knees trembling in abject terror, tears of anger and fear streaming down his face as his just condemnation was pronounced.  His fame, his achievements, even the substantial philanthropy he had spearheaded in his later years, were all as filthy rags before the white-hot holiness of the Lord God Almighty.  And so, he was cast into outer darkness, suffering the unimaginable and unending weight of the just wrath of the Father – Tom’s reward for his willful rebellion against the Son.  Tom realized, far too late, that all along, he had assumed that what really mattered was the 70 or 80 years of his earthly life, not recognizing that it was but a tiny appetizer to the eternity that was now laid bare before him. Despite all he had accomplished, his whole life had been a waste.    

But as for Jonathan, though he too felt great awe and fear as he first beheld the Lord, it was mingled with an overwhelming joy and a sort of trembling worship as he gazed upon Christ Jesus who had bled and died for him.  Moved with tears of thankful joy and ecstatic pleasure, he heard what he had longed to hear for so long: “Well done, good and faithful servant, enter into the joy of your master.” And with that, leaning upon Christ’s righteousness and that alone, he was welcomed into the gates of glory, forevermore to enjoy the full and unending inheritance of the saints in the presence of the very fountain of joy – the One who died to make an end of all his sin. 

The Parent Trap

Now, obviously, the story you just read, while certainly plausible, is entirely fictional – meant to remind us of the gravity and utter finality of the choices we make in this life – and in this case, shining a spotlight on the choices and priorities we select and support as parents.  Nevertheless, it is a pattern that’s so easy for us as parents to fall into – made all the more tempting by the culture within which we live.  There is a subtle yet forceful assumption that our child’s happiness is paramount, that they know best how to find it,  and that extracurricular activities are the primary means by which this goal is accomplished.  In our example, sports was in the center, but the same can be true of musical pursuits, dance, the arts, gaming, or a panoply of other hobbies and passions that can subtly begin to dominate our children’s time and priorities.  

Now, before you chase me out of town, understand that I’m not saying that such pursuits are to be avoided like the plague.  There is value in many if not all of the pursuits I just mentioned.  The question isn’t primarily whether they are okay, but to what degree and frequency they are truly beneficial and in what place they fall in your list of priorities.  But before we get there, I want to examine those three cultural assumptions I listed above, by shining the light of the Scriptures upon them: 

What Happiness is Most Important?

As we discussed in The 15K Challenge, the Bible often uses the language of eating and drinking to convey the sustaining, pleasurable value of enjoying God. In addition to the passage above, we are extolled to taste and see that the Lord is good (Psalm 34:8).  Psalm 63:5 offers this vivid description of the satisfaction to be found in the Lord: “My soul is satisfied as with marrow and fatness, And my mouth offers praises with joyful lips.” In the beautiful proto-Gospel passage of Isaiah 55, God calls all who are hungry and thirsty to find their satisfaction in Him. During His earthly ministry, Jesus too used the imagery of food and drink to symbolize both the satisfaction to be found in Him, and to memorialize the very price He would pay to rescue us from the just wrath of God.  We see this most clearly in John 6, and most succinctly in the verse below:

“35 Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life; he who comes to Me will not hunger, and he who believes in Me will never thirst.“

John 6:35, NASB1995

When we consider the ideals of the world as compared to the council of Scripture, we find the Lord is offering us far greater, everlasting, fully satisfying joys that even the greatest pleasures of this world don’t hold a candle to.  The question is, do we believe that?  Do we really, truly believe it? Do our actions and affections make such truth evident to our children?  Or, do we do a really good job imitating the culture’s pursuit of the pleasures of the world?   

Every pleasure this world has to offer – even objectively good ones – cannot ultimately satisfy us.  Not only that, but no matter how impactful the initial ecstasy, earthly pleasures are always subject to the law of diminishing returns.  The first bite is always going to be the best.  God built us this way – so that we might find our greatest joy and fulfillment in Him and not ultimately in His gifts.  This doesn’t lessen the joy we should feel in God’s good gifts, but turns those joys from an end unto themselves, into a means of enjoying the goodness of God, Himself.  

Here’s some evaluative questions to consider in testing how your parenting is aligning with this principle:

1) In what ways am I purposely displaying the truth that our greatest joy is to be found in Jesus?

2) Are there ways in which we are buying into the world’s temptation to treat lesser joys as supreme?

3) When I look at our family’s schedule, does it clearly display the supreme value to be found in the things of God?

4) Are there activities or emphases in our family schedule that need to be adjusted or even ejected to help us prioritize Christ and His church?

5) How can we, by example, expectation and exhortation, foster a family environment that prioritizes the pursuit of eternal joy over lesser joys?  

6) What might family life focused on finding our deepest satisfaction in God look like as it relates to leisure, entertainment, academics, extracurriculars, sports, hobbies, work,  etc.? 

7)  How might your family life look if you lived as though Christ could return tomorrow?

Do Children Know Best?

But what if my children just don’t like going to church?  What’s a parent to do? 

Deeply implanted within our culture’s ideals of liberty and happiness is a sense that we know what is best for us, and that the same is true for our kids.  You need to look no further than the cultural resistance to laws that would protect children from – and grant parents oversight over –  content that promotes LGBTQ+ ideals.  At the core of this pushback is an assumption that kids, even at a young age, know best about who they are and who they ought to become.  

But there’s a lot of subtle ways this assumption creeps into our homes as well – from allowing our kids to choose what they will or will not eat, to allowing them to be the primary driver in setting their schedule and priorities, to a tendency to request things of our children instead of instructing them, even when they are just toddlers.  Even ideas, such as letting a baby cry at times, is now seen as peculiar if not outright abusive, and not at all respectful to the child’s desires.  All of it, to one degree or another, is based on this cultural assumption that our children know best. 

“15 Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of discipline will remove it far from him.“

Proverbs 22:15, NASB1995

But the Bible offers a starkly different perspective.  In addition to what we read above, Psalm 51:5 affirms that children are born with a sin nature.  Genesis 8:21 reinforces this. After the flood subsides and only righteous Noah’s family is left among the living, we see something surprising. In a covenantal expression of His grace, God promised to never again destroy every living thing.  But this isn’t because only the righteous people are left and they’re finally going to get it right (you need only turn the page to see how quickly mankind fails). Even in the promise, God recognizes that “the intent of man’s heart is evil from his youth”.  The moral of the story is that children, like the rest of mankind, do not know what’s best for them.  And, because of their lack of experience and development, children are especially prone to folly.  

Physiologically, we know the prefrontal cortex is the last part of the brain to fully mature – reaching maturation in a person’s mid-to-late twenties.  This part of the brain controls decision-making, impulse control and risk management.  What does this mean? By God’s design, children need instruction, direction and correction from outside of themselves to thrive.  That’s how God has designed it: for one generation to raise up the next in the Lord.  We see this clearly in the first application commanded in the following passage:    

“4 “Hear, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord is one! 5 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. 6 These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. 8 You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. 9 You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.“

Deuteronomy 6:4-9, NASB1995

Just as the children of Israel needed to be told to love and serve the Lord with all their might – and needed to be reminded of it in so many practical ways – so too do our children need to have the supremacy of God and the importance of His family reinforced and reinforced and reinforced again in our family life.  They, like we, are prone to wander, and desperately need to be called back to the fountain of life again and again and again.  

So what do we do if our child would rather do other things than participate in the life of the church? What if they just don’t have a desire to be among God’s people?  First, I think it’s helpful to understand the root of their resistance.  Where are they spiritually?  Have they shown evidence of a growing relationship with Christ?  Do they find church boring?  Do they struggle to connect with their church peers?  Do they struggle with the teaching?  Is it not as fun as they are accustomed to?   

Once you feel you have a strong grasp of the whys and the whats, take the time to answer their concerns.  Explain to them why you’re suddenly changing course, and why putting church first and sacrificing other good things is really important.  Point them to the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus and being a meaningful part of His body.  Help them to think about this life in light of eternity.  You could even show them this ‘vintage’ video of Francis Chan using the rope analogy to explain why it is incredibly foolish and dangerous to focus all our energy on the tiny little tip of the unending rope that is our existence.  Pray with them, read the Word with them, watch helpful Christian videos with them.  Be hands on in this fight!

And finally, I’d encourage you to require it of them.  Require them to be a part of all the normal ministries and events of your church. Encourage them to be all-in – prioritizing meaningful connections with their Christian peers (and those of other generations) that go beyond simply doing random things together, but actually fulfills the one-anothers of Scripture. If you’re making this change later in your parenting journey, it’s likely that they’re not going to like it – especially if they already feel like they don’t fit in, but don’t give up!  Encourage them to persevere and to actively pursue meaningful relationships with the peers at church.  Facilitate such actions through opening your home to those peers and doing things with their peers’ families.  Remind them that even though it’s at times hard, being faithful to God’s command and prioritizing Him and His church is always eternally worth it. And be patient. It’s unlikely this change is going to happen overnight, but with patience and perseverance, chances are your child is going to find a growing belonging in the church that transforms what was once have-to’s into genuine want-to’s.    

Are We Using the Right Scale?

And finally, let’s consider the cultural assumption that extra-curricular activities are necessary for our children.  Having four children, we chose early on to be very selective with their schedules.  In general, through the encouragement of wise believers that had invested in us, we placed involvement in the church as our highest priority.  If the doors were open, we were there, and whenever we could, we brought our kids along and had them involved.  This whole family approach to church meant we were often doing the work of the church together, reinforcing both our family, and the priority of the church.  

But as the kids moved into middle school – into a new group of people at school that they didn’t know – we felt a lot of pressure (both from the kids and from others) to have them involved in sports.  Thanks to a generous state scholarship, we were able to affordably send the girls to a small church-based school that had been recommended to us. So, the sports did have a spiritual component that ultimately tipped the scales for us.  But even then, we only allowed the girls to do one sport a year, recognizing how much of a demand, even in middle school, sports required. We also instituted a policy that, if there was ever a conflict, no matter how significant to the team, if there was also a church event, church always came first.  We wanted to ensure that our kids clearly got the message that hands down, our involvement with the church was the most important.  For this same reason, we didn’t allow sports in high school (given how much more demanding they are) and we limited the amount of extra-curricular activities they were involved in.  We wanted to reinforce that the most important relationships were those they had with other believers, and especially other believers in their own church family.   

So, that’s what we did.  And looking back, we’re really thankful to the Lord for this approach.  And as the girls are mostly grown now, we have been so grateful to the Lord to see them continue to prioritize church over other good things.  But all of this is autobiographical.  Where do I see this in Scripture?  Consider the life of King David.  He had everything he ever wanted.  He was a tremendous warrior, a rich ruler, and had all the physical joys of this life – and all of it in spades.  Yet, consider the words he penned in Psalm 27:

“4 One thing I have asked from the Lord, that I shall seek:
That I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life,
To behold the beauty of the Lord
And to meditate in His temple.” 

Psalm 27:4, NASB1995

For David, he found surpassing value and pleasure in being in the house of the Lord.  Forget the palace, forget the battlefield, forget the bed chambers.  What he longed for most was to be in the presence of the Lord.  Similarly, in Psalm 84:10, the sons of Korah make this sweeping claim: “For a day in Your courts is better than a thousand outside. I would rather stand at the threshold of the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness.”

“11 You will make known to me the path of life;
In Your presence is fullness of joy;
In Your right hand there are pleasures forever.”   

Psalm 16:11, NASB1995

Again, in the verse above, we see an all-encompassing conviction from David – that in the presence of the Lord, there is not just joy – there is not just pleasure – but fullness of joy and pleasures forevermore. And this isn’t only an Old Testament theme. Passages like 1 John 1:4 and Philippians 3:8 make the same claim that in Christ is to be found surpassing value and complete joy. Christ Himself makes this claim in the parable of the treasure in the field (Matthew 13:44). 

The question is, do we truly believe it?  As parents, does our lifestyle indicate that what’s most precious and joyful are the things of God and, by extension, the people of God?  Does our calendar show this.  Do our affections show this? Or do our children see that something else is supreme in our lives – whether that be our job, our leisure, or even our families themselves? If our children are to grow into faithful churchmen and churchwomen, it benefits them most not only to hear this priority taught or merely for it to be the standard we hold them to, but it should also clearly be displayed as the surpassing pleasure and priority of our own lives.   

Objection: God First In Everything

Given everything said thus far, I could see an objection being made to the effect of, “But can’t our families be putting God first in all we do, not just in church?” Yes, of course we can – and indeed should! But, I would ask, is it right to use this reality as a reason to prioritize other things over meaningful, consistent church involvement?   First, remember, I am not advocating for a total prohibition on extracurricular activities.  I think they often offer varying degrees of benefit when employed in proper moderation and in the proper priority.  

Consider this illustration: Imagine Billy reads that carrots are really good for you.  The thing is, he doesn’t care much for carrots. Nevertheless, wanting to be healthy and get those carrots into his diet, he decides to exclusively eat carrot cake – breakfast, lunch and dinner.  What’s wrong with Billy’s logic?  Sure, Billy is getting a decent amount of carrots in his diet now, but even moreso, he’s getting a heaping helping of saturated fats, sugar and other carbs with every meal.  So, though he’s getting some benefit from the carrots, the harm to his health from everything else in the carrot cake very well may be outweighing the possible good of the carrots.  Now, if Billy simply had carrot cake once or twice a week, he may still get some of the benefits of the carrots, but he’s not going to experience the negative effects of eating carrot cake to excess.  

Applying this illustration to the question at hand, while it is true that extracurricular activities – especially those that are explicitly Christian – can offer some meaningful benefit to our children, especially in moderation – nevertheless, like the carrot cake, they often come with a lot of other ‘ingredients’ that have varying degrees of lesser benefits or even harm, and are all secondary to the godward benefit of our commitment to our family of faith.  And that’s especially true when those activities are primarily secular and/or compete with church involvement. 

Yes it is very much true that God should be first in every aspect of our life, including our leisure and our kids’ extracurricular activities.  And, I would argue, one way to do that is to prioritize the activities clearly commanded by God above other good things.  Some of those things, like exhorting one another daily (Hebrews 3:13) can be done in all sorts of contexts beyond the church gathered, but there is also the command not to forsake the gathering of the saints (Hebrews 10:24-25).  So we ought not to ignore one command to practice another, especially when the two are not mutually exclusive.  By all means, make your kids’ extracurricular activities as Christ-centered and God-honoring as possible, but don’t treat them as though they are a substitute 

Lord willing, we’ll get into a parallel question in one of our next parenting articles addressing difficult obedience (something I believe is tremendously important in raising kids with the fortitude to weather the joys, sorrows and temptations of this life), but for the time being, consider this: To the degree that being obedient to Christ is at odds with the priorities and preferences of the world, the more it will stand out.  For your child to be a faithful part of their team is a good thing.  It can be a God-honoring thing if flowing from the right motives.  But it’s also what is normal and expected of people playing on a team.  It is expected that you’ll prioritize your team over other good things.  But it is seen as extraordinary when your child is a faithful member of the team, yet when it conflicts with church activities, they say something like “I love our team and want to do everything I can to help us do well, but I love Jesus more, and I need to be faithful to Him, even above our team.”  This kind of testimony makes Jesus look really precious.  Your kids may get pushback, your kids may feel intense peer pressure. They may push back themselves. but they are actively, purposefully sacrificing for the glory of God, and that is something that stands out in a world devoted to self.   

All that to say, by all means embrace extracurricular activities for your kids, but do it strategically in a way that puts these priorities in their proper place, below our commitment to the church.  And during those activities, by all means be intentional with your kids to teach and practice the ways of the Lord every chance you can get.  

Earthly Priorities for Eternal Joy

“16 Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. 17 For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, 18 while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.” 

2 Corinthians 4:16-18, NASB1995

As we draw this article to a close, consider Tom’s church experience in the opening story.  His parents loved the Lord and the church, and they made it a family priority.  But, as the boy’s sports schedules grew with their age, they allowed soccer to be a greater priority than their church involvement.  If you asked them, they would certainly say church and their faith came first as a family, but practically, by choosing sports over church involvement when the two were at odds, they were subtly teaching their children that while church life was important, it was one important thing among many, rather than being the priority above all other good priorities.  

Tom was subtly taught this very thing, without a single word needing to be said, that what was most important was what made him happy here and now.  His earthly enjoyment was placed at the center of the decisions of his family – placing upon him a burden that was neither his to bear, nor one he was at all equipped to carry – and ultimately setting his feet on the broad path to destruction. 

As I mentioned above, what we need – what makes sense in light of eternity – is to focus not on the fleeting and fragile pleasures and achievements of this life – but on the glorious pleasures of the eternity that awaits us in Christ. Paul makes this point clearly in the closing verses of 2 Corinthians 4.  In his life, Paul had suffered significantly in the service of Christ.  His choice to obey Christ and take the hard road of faith cost him dearly.  But what sustained him in and through it?  When the viscous lashes of the Roman flagrum tore and re-tore gaping wounds in his back, where did he look for hope?  It was to the sure promises of his sovereign and loving Father (see what Paul penned in Romans 8) that reminded him to trust and to look – to trust in God’s all-encompassing good purposes that cannot be thwarted, and to trust that therefore, every ounce of his suffering was doing something miraculous – something that he could look ahead to enjoying for all eternity to come.     

And dear parents, as you weigh my words, please do not lose sight of the reality that the stakes could not be higher.  What we do in this has literally infinite ramifications, and as Christian parents, it’s both our responsibility and our pleasure to spend and to be spent in the pursuit of best preparing our children for eternity.  Truth be told, in a world obsessed with the here and now, that’s probably going to involve efforts and decisions and prioritizations that feel a bit radical.  It will require sacrifice, but like Paul, we can call our kids and our own hearts to trust in the sovereign goodness of God and to look to the eternal rewards.  None of us, on our deathbeds, are going to wish we played more sports or did more hobbies, but, standing on the threshold of eternity, we very well may regret not having placed more of a priority on the Lord and communion with His people.       

Of course, just like our efforts on our own behalf, our efforts can’t make our children right with God. He did not design it that way. We are justified by faith, and faith alone, sealed in Christ’s righteousness, not our own. We are wholly dependent upon the Lord to transform us and our children.  But don’t let this truth become to you an excuse not to work, in all the power the Spirit provides, to be the means of grace in your children’s lives that the Lord might be pleased to use to draw them to the faith and grow them into maturity in Christ.

“Do not work for the food which perishes, but for the food which endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give to you, for on Him the Father, God, has set His seal.” 

John 6:27, NASB1995

And finally, may we all meditate on these words of Jesus. It is so, so easy to be distracted by the good pursuits of this life, only to neglect the best pursuits that fit us for the life to come. May we labor ever more for the eternal, spiritual food that never perishes! Oh believer, how great is our eternal inheritance in the Lord!

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But Wait, There’s More

Below is a growing list of links to each article in this series, updated as we post additional content. If you’re curious how to apply the principles of strategic parenting to specific questions or different scenarios, consider looking through these additional articles.

May the Lord richly bless you and your families as you seek Him first, and His righteousness above all other good things. May we find ever growing, ever satisfying Joy in Him who suffered and died to save and sanctify us – and to bring us safely home!